On The Importance of Having a Good Friend

Most people are sucky friends.

There, I said it.

Honestly? looks around

… I’ve been a sucky friend sometime.

OKAY!? I admit it! I’ve had my fair share of being just a downright lousy friend:

• Forgetting Birthdays

• Canceling last minute

• Showing up late to Rehearsal Dinners because I went to the wrong Venue (sorry Mark AND Ryan)

But I at least said I was sorry and bought them flowers afterwards. So I think we can call it even (at least, that’s my current strategy with Jenny and it works pretty well).

Can I get real with you real quick?

I know this sounds absolutely terrible, but anybody else have that person you know who just seems to constantly make terrible decisions? Maybe you don’t have that person… (maybe it’s you 0_o)

But I know a few, and they all have one thing in common: They don’t have a GOOD Best Friend.

Now I’m sure they think they have a best friend… and they’re probably not wrong. But they don’t have a GOOD one.

What do I mean by that?

A GOOD best friend is different than just a regular ol’ “best friend”

This is someone who makes you better.

They encourage you, they challenge you, they make you laugh, they let you cry, they lift you up and care for you.

This is a type of person that is okay with having a difficult conversation, even if you aren’t. They help you mold yourself into a better human being.

Not only that, but they help YOU become a better friend in the process (crazy, right?)

Now, why is this important?

Because outside of the Holy Spirit or a professional counselor, this person is going to be the most steady and helpful relationship in your life.

Most of the time we try and be strong… we don’t really open up too much to others and typically avoid having confrontation at whatever the cost. We don’t let anyone else into our situation and if we do, it’s usually by accident.

But when it really boils down to it, we need someone who we can confess to. We need a sister or brother in christ who we feel like we can bare our true selves to and tell it like it is. We need that person who can look us in the eyes while we tell them what we are REALLY feeling or what we REALLY did and just listen. We need that person who, instead of telling us what we did was wrong, asks us,

“can I pray over you right now?”

Oftentimes this is hard to find. It takes YEARS to develop this relationship with someone. In my opinion, the only time this actually DOES happen is when you take the leap into the deep end first.

One of my best friends, Mark Wang, used to always ask me if he “shared too much.” And although he probably shouldn’t have mentioned the rash he gets behind his knees when UGA loses, I always would respond with this:

“People never know how deep the water is until someone dives down first.”

Yeah, I can be a philosopher sometimes.

But it’s true. I feel like I can completely open up to Mark about anything because he was brave enough to take the leap first.

So how do we find these people and what kind of characteristics do they have?

Where to find:

OBVI you should find these people similarly to how you find a spouse… run the race and while you are running, glance around to see if there’s anyone keeping pace with you. So that means at your church, volunteering, small groups, you name it, look around to see if there’s anyone who you feel like is running at the same pace as you.

After you scan the initial candidates, hang out with a few of them in a group or 1 on 1. Grab some coffee. Go for a run. workout together. deface public property. whatever you gotta do to test to see if you actually enjoy hanging out with them.

Once you do that, dive right in.

Another way you can find these people is online (sorry mom and dad). I used to think internet relationships were just old men in their pajamas at the library pretending to be a girl in RuneScape (I saw that one time, no joke).

But I actually found one of my good friends through TikTok Live and Twitter DMs... and they weren’t creepy old guys but real people!

Are you in search of a GOOD friend? Well I got great news, I know exactly what traits to look for… But there’s a rule: You can only become GOOD friends with someone if you are BOTH on the same level with all of these traits:

• Honest

  • never ever lie to each other. Even if it hurts both of you. Never ever ever lie (and yes, withholding information is a lie).

• Responsive

  • Find the way you are going to commit to being responsive. I KNOW I am terrible with replying to texts and group chats. But you know what I ALWAYS respond to? FaceTimes. If you ever FaceTime me, I WILL pickup.

• Consistent

  • Do they stay with you even if you change? Do they commit to being your friend even through their own changes?

• Thoughtful

  • Do you cater to each others love languages? Remember anniversar- I mean birthdays? (this sounds a lot like being a spouse)

• Challenging

  • Do they encourage you to try hard things? Are they pushing themselves?

I challenge you to develop these traits within yourself. Similar to finding the right spouse (*yoda voice* the right spouse, you must first become), you must first BECOME a GOOD friend before you find one (unless you get lucky and someone adopts you as their friend).

Here’s a list of all the GOOD friends I’ve had in the past and present:

Jenny Favara, Ryan Treadwell, Blake Favara, Will Deyo, Justin Starner, Logan Wooten, Jose Marquez, Jake Prochaska, Ryan Carey, Bobby Forrester, Mark Wang, Christian Wilson, Shan Han, Marshall Williams, Vince Randazzo, Josh Ellis, Jakin Tatarsky, Vince Mastrototaro, Chad Willard, Josh Svenson, Nicky Northern, Nathan Hutto, Beaman King, Alex Soto, Adam Landry, Brian Kimball, Jacob Portillo, Caleb Conley, Sam Tureman, Grant Godbee, Tyler Ortiz, Brendan Murphy, Jerod Beck

Each of these individuals have impacted my life and trajectory in MAJOR ways and I’m so grateful for all of them.

HAGS ✌🏼

Dino Favara Jr.